Its amazing what a year can do. A new baby, a new business, a global pandemic, church buildings are closed, racial tensions have come to a boiling point. We got fires, tsnami’s, earthquakes, nucleur explosions and so much more.
I was reminded last night of all my thoughts that have been bubbling up and over and that I had a platform to let them out. I haven’t blogged in probably a year and the reasons vary. But it boils down to this. My inner critic has been so string that instead of tryiong to create something new and put mysef out there, I find it so much easier to bury myself into service of my family.
My season of life is strange and not all of it has to do with Covid. For me, it was the catalyst for so many deeper realizations of thoughts and beliefs. I tend to go inward for a long time until I really think I’ve figured it out( I have waited too long before I act on these realizations and I circle back to inward reflection).My season of life is strange because I am close to 40, I have 4 children, I am entering my 7th year homeschooling, I have identified my enneagram number and have begun self work, and I am entering a new season in my marriage. Whew! Life is strange..
I don’t know that my life looks anything like the life I imagined for myself when I was a little girl, a teenager of even a young adult. If you are anything like me, I went through many years unpacking the dissillusionmnet of the life I live and the life I had intended to create for myself. I have always been justice oriented but in the last 4 years I have been especially tuned into racial injustices against all people of color. I have also been moved to action to fight against human trafficking. But 2020 has proved to be a year where the “fights” I have been fighting have become a communal fight. Many allies and friends have joined me in these fights and my heart has been buoyed that progress is happening and things are changing for the better..
The thing that nags at me is that many of my allies have lied outside of the evangelical Christina community. I have been puzzled and concerned by the loyalty to both a President and an idealogy that circle the wagins and protects the status quo. The status quo that says “police are good, history is not allowed to be challenged and that slavery is just in the past and we don’t have racism nowadays”. Sigh. I have had a lot of patience historically speaking up until this year for the ignorance of my white friends on these issues. It is far too easy to be comfortable and be “busy” with their family and in their circle of friends who look the way they do and think the way they do. If you take a look at my friedns list and the people I hold dear to my heart are varied. My friends list ranges from ultra right wing conservative to marxist and liberal and everything in between. I have friends who see racism under every rock and I also have friends who say “well we had a black president so racism is done”. I have friends who have marched for blac likves matter and friends who have marched for our governor to be recalled. I have friends who believe in all the conspiracy theories and friends who watch the news every night and can’t wait for the government to send more money and give them a vaccine. I stand in between of so many arguments and I listen and watch. And the thing that breaks my heart, the thing I have been praying for an answer to is this: When did we stop listening to each other and how do we begin to unite when we are so divided??
Personally I get tired easily by conversation that go round and round in circles. I grow tired of the name calling. I grow tired of seeing someone act and claim they are superior all the while also seeing the person who is hurting because of their fellow man’s superior stance. We are all one race, the human race and God has created us equal. No man has the right or claim to own or subjugate another human, whether because of skin tone or of age. To me, racism and human trafficking are both the biggest evils our society is facing and neither will be solved by burying our heads in the sand..
How will they be solved? Conversations start among the family first. Discuss what is happening in the news and be ok with not having all the answers. Look internally and honestly reflect if you hvae any hidden biases. Ask yourself, what do I not know? For me this means I turn to books. In the last 3 months I have purchased at least 12 books on various aspects of racial injustice and human trafficking and the role I can play in helping to stop these evils. I go back to the source of all Love. In my faith in God I can examine and hold myself up to light and truth. In my faith in God I can see where I have apathy and allow the Holy Spirit to change my heart. To soften my words and my heart. I am going to get this wrong. We are going to get this wrong. But we can’t progress if we aren’t willing to get a little messy. And we can’t allow the hate to silence us. We can’t allow corrupt power to silence us and keep us from actions. ❤
Tears and Coffee 