Chaga, Chaga, Lion’s Mane, Coffee?

This is a follow up post, or “Part 2” 🙂  This is about coffee and mushrooms. Ahhhh coffee. My love affair with coffee is strong. I love how versatile it is. I love it Hot with just a little cream and raw sugar. I love it ice cold, brewed cold. It can be an Americano for days that are cold and require a lot of mental focus, or a small cup with heaps of sugar and cocoa powder at the end of the day shared with a friend and a cookie.Its really impossible to go wrong with coffee. Its always a good idea. And when its made right it can make me feel fabulous. Which leads me to the subject of add-in’s and substitutes. Like Mushrooms. I know I know it

sounds bizarre. People ask me if I enjoy “trippin” in the morning(True Story!!) But really it is a excellent alternative to stimulants or energy drinks. Fatigue is the #1 complaint in a DR’s office and the treatment often makes the problem worse. For me, a busy mom of 3, I need a ton of energy in my day. The sad fact of it is that my body doesn’t process stress. I have some health issues that make things harder to cope when life’s stresses creep up. In my home, this is daily. I also have come to discover that because of my adrenal fatigue if I have more than 3 cups of coffee then my body immediately shuts down. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  But I love coffee. SO MUCH.. And I need it to do its job and keep me awake, focused and active. I love that apart of my Keto lifestyle has been turning coffee into a meal. I started adding MCT oil or Grassfed Butter in my coffee, I use heavy cream now instead of half and half. I use Stevia or Erythitol instead or raw sugar and cane sugar. My daily start to my day has been supercharged. But I am always looking for ways to make my cup of Joe both more effective and more delicious! Enter Mushrooms!

Did you know that mushrooms have been used medicinally for centuries by everyone from the Europeans, to the Chinese to the Egyptians. Mushrooms are powerful adaptogens which means it is a natural substance considered to help the body adapt to stress and to exert a normalizing effect upon bodily processes. While their are about 100,000 species, a few have been recently come to the forefront in the health and wellness community, like Chaga, Reishi, Shitake and Lion’s Mane. I first discovered Four Sigmatic coffee (scoffee36) three years ago.  I was skeptical it would work and worried about the taste. So happy it turned out to not only taste great but help with my fatigue!!! I felt so alert and clear minded. I loved feeling that way, its not how I usually feel. Chronic fatigue feels like I am under a faucet all day, weighed down and everything feels muted. I have fallen asleep in the middle of conversations or even just as soon as I sit down. Its not the same as feeling tired. It is beyond that and I have been working hard to find solutions to get on top of it. Four Sigmatic has been a huge part of that solution. I encourage everyone to check it out!!!! Visit their website by clicking on the banner and be sure to use my code: scoffee36

 

 

Cheers and happy reading!

Sarah

https://us.foursigmatic.com/blogs/articles/benefits-of-turkey-tail

The way the story is told

I don’t get out much to the movies these days. Having three young children and few babysitting options is one reason, but mostly its just not in the budget. My husband and I will typically wait till it comes out on video, saving the theaters for the truly epic films(in our mind) “Dunkirk” being the last one. Both of us being musicians, sound quality is important to us and while we don’t have the system we want yet, our home viewing of movies is pretty great. However their has been a movie that my friends have been raving to me since it first came out back in Dec. “Sarah you will absolutely lovvve it”, “Oh my Gosh Sarah, SEE IT! Hurry up!” For months I’ve heard this and I really wanted to but its a busy season in our lives(aren’t they all) and I just haven’t been able to. So this last Friday night I made it apart of our family night. Friday Family nights is one member chooses the food, another chooses the activity. And each week it rotates so that the goal is each person gets one turn every month. We got out of our rhythm a while ago and I have been meal planning consistently pretty much so this last week I chose both. So I made dinner and I chose “The Greatest Showman” And after 10 minutes  I knew they were right. I was drawn in by the love story and the music. All of it took my breath away. I won’t give anything away because while it came out last year I figure I’m not the only one who has waited this long and might be waiting even longer. My favorite movies aren’t usually because of the actor or actress in it. Its not even the story itself. It is the way the story is told. The way the music creeps in slowly and builds ever so slowly. Or the way the camera pans across a vast field of grass. The way a story is told, when it is done well, is one life’s pleasures. And while I loved the movie, my husband was not so impressed. It wasn’t till the kids went to bed that he told me why. He looked up the “true story” of the main character and pointed out all the flaws and differences between fact and fiction.

At first I was annoyed that he shattered my opinion of the man, of the movie. But a few days later the entire thing was rolling around in my head. A story can be both truthful and false at the same time. We can choose to tell a story yet omit the unflattering parts. Its too uncomfortable, too boring, sometimes painful or ugly, to tell the truth of the story, the Whole Truth and nothing but the truth. A version of our story is what we put on social media isn’t it? We have so many different platforms for us to broadcast our story. But what is it all really? Is it just a good show? Am I being honest when I share my story? Am I willing to bring others into my story and let the uncomfortable bits be uncomfortable? I know its an uncomfortable place to sit with that thought. I personally would much rather be singing, One Million dreams, and dance around pretending that everything is rosy, everything is possible. A movie like The Greatest Showman is fun and awe-inducing. But it isn’t the truth I’m sorry to say.

 

Monday Monday

Hello friends,

It has been a few weeks since I have been here and poured out my heart. Did you miss me?  I am grateful to know that as I have been more consistent in my writing my audience keeps growing! ❤ To be authentic in the searching and grasping at straws. If you are at all like me, you probably follow a few blogs who are all put together. They are clean and simple, streamlined and full of places to click on brimming with information just waiting for you. I like one particular one that is so clean and bright, I feel happy and motivated just visiting it. Others are cluttered and can have a judgy tone; over time I visit those less and less. I usually scour blogs for what I am going through. Currently I am a full time Mom who also home schools my children. Recently I got into a new way of eating, shoot, its a whole new way of living! So I look for websites and blogs that can help me school my children better, eat the keto way, and how to balance life. With so many choices and voice I get overwhelmed simply looking. I often rely on a personal recommendation that will make it worth my while. Which leads me to my point.

What is my little blog about? I have so many interests, passions, and obsession not to mention I seem to always have a lot to say on the subject of women and our emotions to things. Haha Their simply is not enough time in the day to get it all out. And how do I narrow it down to be a blog only about “X”? I started my blog just to have a space where I could air out my thoughts to dry.  Recently I have felt the urge to stretch my entrepreneurial  muscles could flex again. I enjoy working and making money. Since I have been a stay-at-home Mom for the last 10+ years I have tried many ways to do this. Some have been very successful(one venture had me making $1200 a month on average after just 2 years of working at it) while others have fallen flat on their face.

Well, I gotta figure that if I’m all over the place, their has to be at least a few hundred people who are “all over the place” as well. 🙂 I do hope that when you read my posts and visit the websites I recommend, that it is an experience that enriches your life and leaves you feeling encouraged. Sometimes I feel better just reading about someone else  who is falling apart. 🙂 It helps me not feel alone. Raising kids, whether perfectly healthy or “adjusted” or not, is a freakin hard job. A mother’s brain never turns off. We never stop thinking about our children. We never stop worrying or working on improving the quality of their lives. Its an even more all-consuming job when you home school as well. I am still very much in the “my lap is always full” part of life. And I try to savor it all. Well, I don’t savor the arguments or the yelling, but the hugs, the love notes my girls give me, the delight on the face of my struggling reader who finally reads a sentence with no assistance. Those are the moments I am grateful for to be there.

Every choice we make as Women, Mother’s, Businesswomen, friends, Teachers, ALL of them have a trade. We all have to fit our life choices in the same 24 hours/7 days a week. I find that I let distractions keep me from experiencing the joy of this struggle more often than I’d like to count.

And I don’t know if its my age or that I’ve been a parent for 11 years and a homeschooler parent for 4 years, but I feel restless to contribute financially to my family. I have always enjoyed helping people. All my jobs I have ever had I feel have been ultimately about making people happier and healthier.  When I worked at Starbucks, I absolutely loved pairing my customers up with the perfect blend. When I worked in a bookstore, I loved helping people find “their” section and make recommendations that were perfectly suited for them. When I worked for Herbalife I loved helping people go from seeing food as the enemy to being fuel for their beautiful body.  To me, making money should be a sign that you are offering real value to another human being and enriching their lives.

We all go through our days making recommendations on movies, books, places to eat, sales to shop, makeup brands to buy. I love being turned on to something I truly need as well as discovering something new that I didn’t know I needed!!! Recently I added TWO things to my life that have not only improved the quality of it but have opened doors for me to provide financially. I first tried Norwex Envirocloth because a friend was running a promotion and it was a week where I could make it work in my budget. I was giddy cleaning around my kitchen because all I had to do was wipe. I didn’t have to spray a cleaner and wait, or spray and then get a bunch of paper towels and scrub. It was like magic in my hand. Then I tried it on my microfiber couch. Of course my daughter had just decided to write with pen her name all over the arm rest. I got my envirocloth wet and with a light scrub it came off!! Magic!!! Then I tried the laundry detergent. I was doubtful that the small amount I was given would be adequate. My kids really know how to seek out all the dirt and food and apply it to their pants. But I did a load and again Magic! All the stains were gone and I used so little detergent! And they smelled fresh without any fragrance! How did they do that? So last month I jumped in and decided I could sell this brand. Its a brand I can get behind 100%. The mission of reducing chemicals in the home AND the environment. If you know me, you know I love trees.  I love Nature and do my best to take care of it by recycling and being conscientious about what products I use and the effects on my environment. Norwex has been awesome in saving me money. I use the body cloth to remove makeup at the end of the day. Just a bit of water and all of it is gone, leaving my skin feel smooth and clean. I LOVE that feeling don’t you? I will provide the link at the bottom of this post for my website. I will gladly come clean your house in front of 20 or so of your friends with all my Norwex gear if your local. If you live out of the area and want to do a party and learn all about these amazing products, I can do that too!!! Facebook parties are super fun and their is no limit to who you can invite which means their is no limit to your hostess rewards!! Yay!

The second thing that I can’t stop talking about is mushroom coffee but I am going to put that in a separate post. Coffee deserves its one post don’t you think? 😉

Thanks for reading, feel free to comment!!!

https://sarahmenendez.norwex.biz/en_US/customer/specials-and-sales

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https://sarahmenendez.norwex.biz/var/images/US/products/403500_cleaning-paste_silo.jpg?v2.10.5.2-na

Exciting Developments

I have been on an intense trial and error journey to regain my health over the last 10 years. A quick recap: In my late 20’s I found myself Morbidly Obese, My energy was in the pits, I had allergies, Chronic Migraines, Irregular Periods and IBS. I was a mess! I wanted Babies and after two miscarriages I had my miracle rainbow baby. ❤ Recovery from my C-section took 8 weeks and I found myself topping the scale at 220. I started in a weight loss challenge and slowly began the process of correcting my health. Over 5 years I eliminated my migraines, IBS, I lost inches off my waist, and improved my energy. But it didn’t last and some of my problems came back.

Fast forward a few years later.. I found in my hunger for knowledge about all things Herbs, Oils, Micronutrients and Wholistic Nutrition I discovered that much of what I did and the products I used were not really the best for me and my health. However I found myself frustrated that my new way of eating and natural remedies were not helping my number on the scale. I was feeling better than I ever have, my overall health was great, its just that the scale was not moving in the right direction.

One of the things I discovered about myself is that I do not process stress. My body has an inability to limit cortisol and to transfer it to useful sources of energy in my body. My Heart races, my brain function slows down and of course my weight..

I changed my eating yet again, now I am doing a ketogenic diet. Its working out very well, my energy is up even more and for the first time in 10 years I am losing weight naturally again!!! But I also recently discovered a wonderful little Herbal supplement from WishGarden called Deep Stress that has been a game changer!

Just a few drops in my water and I feel calm. I am able to focus, able to process, able to parent. 😉 Most of us deal with major stress on a daily basis. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could handle it better? Try it out! By clicking on this affiliate link, I receive a small commission. I am so excited to find something that works so well that I can recommend to my friends and readers. WishGarden has herbal remedies for all kinds of ailments. I use the WishGarden Herbs “Kick-Ass Immune Activator” when I start to feel run down and that tickle in the throat threatens to take over.

Let me know if you have questions on how to use. And please comment on the post how its working for you! By clicking on affiliate links, you help this SAHM make a little income for her family. Cheers and good coffee!

Love, Sarah

Spring has Sprung

We have created a new habit in our home in the morning. I get the water boiling in my tea kettle and grind my beans and fill my pourover and put it on my favorite mug for the day. Then I open the blinds in my kitchen and living room. These sounds bring my cats running. They wait, in proper cat-like fashion, while I open the windows. We have positioned chairs and containers as rest areas for them to perch in front of the window. Even on the coldest days I do this because of the Joy I see it brings my furry babies. The birds chirping and the bees buzzing just outside my window provides entertainment and inspection from them and I often sit and enjoy my coffee watching my cats watch the birds.

 

The sounds of spring have come and with them an excitement. If the birds are chirping and flitting from tree to tree, I feel the need to flit from room to room. I feel motivated to purge again, and to clean my home from the vents to the baseboards.

 

Its only a few months left till the school year and I seriously can’t wait! I love having a more flexible schedule to get things done at a slower pace. The girls still learn over the summer but the pressure is off for it to be “sample” perfect. And at the end of this school I will have a middle schooler. Gulp! My oldest will be moving into the next stage of her life.

 

Spring reminds us of change, but hopeful promises that by pressing into this season will yield a harvest.

Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants. – Deuteronomy 32:2, NIV

You’re never too old to learn a little more about God and His goodness. Just like rain provides nourishment to the plants, His Word reaches into our hearts and shows us things that we never would have imagined.

 

What do you do when you no longer “feel” it?

So our church has been going through change. Maybe you are cool with change or maybe you dread it, avoid it at all costs. But I have learned that no matter whether you can see the change coming, like graduating from high school or your wedding day, or the day you leave a job, somehow change will SURPRISE you. I mentioned in a recent post that I knew this would be a year of change for me and my husband. More so than in any year we’ve had together. But now that I am living through the change, I am freaking out internally because it looks and feels nothing like I thought it would. My point is you can never, really, be prepared for change. Last night was Sunday night and my husband and I were talking about some of these recent changes and he discovered that one of the things he was told would continue, wasn’t shaping out that way. Wow, what a punch in the gut. I could see the disappointment, the disillusionment in his face. And it got me fighting mad. My husband is a good man. He has had many things stacked against him in his life and he has soared above so many difficult things. I try to be his soft place to land. I try to be the one who offers perspective and comfort. This time I feel at odds with myself. I am loyal by nature, possibly hyper loyal. It takes a while for me to not trust a person or a source, or position. I have to see, hear, experience a lot of information to get me to change my mind. I have been married for over 13 years now and I am fiercely loyal to my husband. I would gladly ruin my reputation in order to save his. I also am a Christian and have been associated with my church since I was 5. Maybe I went to a different location and belonged to a different “body” but I have always been “Vineyard” at heart. Its more of my identity than even being a Californian. When someone has stepped down or left I have always given them the benefit of the doubt. I have always believed in them and prayed for God’s best. When we have made changes in church I sided with the church, not the naysayers over the decisions. This time however, change has been constant. I can”t find ground to stand and hold still with all the changes. Not only the senior pastor has changed but the worship pastor, and quite a few of the staff have as well. Some exciting things have happened like an increase of the spirit moving. But the biggest change has actually been very personal for us.. My amazing husband plays drums and percussion and had the awesome privilege of playing for the last 5 years. He would play at least twice a month, for 5 years. Now I know you are thinking that I am simply biased when I make the next statement but truly I am not. And even if I am solely biased, I have a good ear musically and am an avid fan of music so I think I know enough of what’s good and what isn’t. And my husband, is excellent. He plays drums with soul and depth; he is both technically good and spirit led. He follows the lead worshipper well and is so supportive of the rest of the team. He is my favorite to enter into worship. It was a sacrifice him playing. We have one vehicle and so the whole family would have to wake up early, we dropped him off by 8 and then I take the girls to breakfast. We lost sleep, had to buy breakfast, and I lost many hairs in the frustrating task of keeping them all calm and nice to each other until it time to check them in to childcare. A sacrifice we all willingly made so my husband could serve and share his gifts with our church. Our church we loved so much. So much it hurts now. This change that has deeply affected our family. Fresh off the heals of a worship retreat with other worship leaders from other churches we both came back excited for the changes and excited for the roles we would play. That next day he had to audition to continue to play the drums. Our church had 5 drummers I think, including him.  So I was home with the girls while he was at the audition and I never thought he wouldn’t get it. That is until I texted him well after an hour past the time I thought he would be home and he texted back a bunch of broken heart emoji’s. I was shocked and waiting for him to come home and explain. The bottom line was the new worship pastor didn’t think he had “it” and wouldn’t be needing him to play drums ever. She did say he would be her go-to person for night service on cahon, which is a particular type of drum. So not even a full percussion set. Oh did I mention that he is anointed when he plays percussion? Yep. You can feel things change in the atmosphere when he plays percussion. So we both processed. Him much more than me. It has been hard figuring out how much I should vocalize.  Because I feel so much about this but I don’t want to step on his feelings about it. A month has passed and I have been a good Christian, serving when and where I can. I prefer the coffee. Clearly I drink a lot of it and know it pretty well so I enjoy sharing that gift with the church too. He has had doors open at other Vineyards and for him it has been a saving grace I think. I honestly can’t imagine how hard it is to be at your home church and see someone else, who I might add hasn’t been there for the past 5 years but is “back” and has been solely playing. But my husband has been such a good sport about it, not talking bad or publicly expressing anything but humility and submission. And maybe this all happened so he could grow in those things. I don’t think so but its possible. See part of the change him and I both felt this year is that we would start collaborating together writing songs and playing together. That has been my hearts desire since I fell in love with him and he joined me in this desire late last year(at least that’s when he told me). How do we do that now? Our former worship pastor poured into him, encouraging and supporting him in his abilities. Now that he isn’t playing anymore and it looks like now not even for percussion at night as we have seen the next 2 months worship schedule, he is not being blessed or supported in his gifts. Except that he is, but at other churches. Which leads me to this…. What do you do when you don’t “feel” it anymore but you don’t have clear direction whether to stay or to go? Where is God in all this? I know its not him to separate us as a family, the girls are so plugged in. But it has to be all of us. And both my husband and I have gifts to share with whatever church we belong too. I long to be apart of a worship team, singing and collaborating. I have a heart for missions, specifically India and would like to organize a team to go and serve. I have the gift of prophecy and long for the freedom to give words to build up the congregation. My husband is gifted in drums, percussion, sound mixing, and praying for people. It has been an act of his will just to show up on Sunday mornings and I hate seeing that checked out look on his face. But I completely understand, its so raw. Its so recent. And in this moment, it feels so final. Where do we go from here? I have to decide every single day to turn to Jesus. To be loyal to him first, then family, then my church. And if God is leading us elsewhere, I will go. No matter how hard that change is..

What books do

I am not someone who takes advantage that their are books everywhere. I often daydream about having nothing to do so that I could sit and read all the books on my list and drink coffee and think big thoughts. I will preface this blog post by saying I am a Christian. But that doesn’t mean I like Christian books. Don’t get me wrong. I read books on religion and philosophies in the church, more statistical books than stories. I have read the “Left Behind” series and the “This present darkness” series. I have read “Blue like Jazz” and “The Story of Jabez” and the “Purpose Driven Life”. But most of these involved me overlooking things I don’t have too in the majority of “secular” books. A well crafted story, one that sucks me in and makes me desperate to consume it till the last word is forever my quest and I rarely find one that satiates me. So when “Her Mother’s Hope” was chosen as our book club’s pick of the month, I was hesitant. I has heard of Francine Rivers but couldn’t get past the first chapter of “Redeeming Love”, even though literally everyone I know has read it. I bought Her Mother’s hope and the follow up, “Her Daughter’s Dream” together on a discount website because my friends said the first book was a cliffhanger. THAT drives me crazy. So I started reading and I wasn’t impressed with the beginning. It seemed easy to predict how the characters would react and I was about to give it up. I know everyone says this but my life is ridiculously busy and its a long book. I don’t have time to wade through something boring. Then around the middle of Chapter 3(just in time!) I got pulled into the story. Marta was smart. She wasn’t a pushover. I liked her spunk. I put myself in her shoes and disappeared into the story. It is a magical thing when a book can do that. The relationship between the Mothers and Daughters have been a constant subject in my mind since I read these two.  I thought when I was young that I was better suited to be a mom of Boys. Boys are easy., They are always hungry, always dirty, always active, and love their Mommas.  Instead I wound up with three girls. All who are unique in their personalities and yet I can definitely see qualities in me that show up in them. Sometimes its a moment of pride and appreciation but more often than not it is embarrassing. Qualities I don’t like in myself like judgement, shame, isolation, negative attitude. Oh yes I am a pretty picture. Losing myself in her Mother’s Hope I found a wrestling in my spirit. I so desperately want my daughter’s, especially my oldest to be a young woman who is kind and generous, someone who is eager to help and work hard with others for the greater good.  It is so difficult for me to extend grace when I see the same negative qualities that I have in her. I tend to pounce on it in an effort to squash it before it becomes a habit. I see when I cause emotional harm and more times than I’d like to admit I don’t rectify it. She goes away hurt and dejected and I stand, prideful. I am RIGHT.. I know it. But what good does that do if I close the door of safety to her? Who will she turn too when she is older and life throws real curveballs? I fail her on a daily basis and yet I seem stuck in this cycle of her acting out and me squashing her down. It doesn’t seem to be helping but I can’t bring myself to extend grace. It wasn’t until I read the two books that I saw how pointless it is to be about the rules and rules only. Part of the gift of a daughter is passing on Grace, Passing on Love. So I am rewiring my brain. I will make it a point to  “fill her love tank”. I will seek out her redeeming qualities and let her know I see them. I will hug her and love on her even when I feel like strangling her from frustration.

 

How many books do you read in a given year? How often do those books make you pause, make you think, make you listen? I started this post in October. Since then I have been working on my own book. One that I started writing 5 years ago. I am supposed to be working on it now and instead I thought it would be more productive to finish one of the many drafts I’ve started. I don’t know why but I feel ADD these days. Maybe my smartphone is to blame but I can’t stay focused on one task for more than 30 minutes before I move on to the next thing.  I have 9 tabs open right now on my chromebook and that’s pretty good compared to what I usually have. I digress again.. If you read this, will you comment what your favorite books are?  I’m talking about the ones that caused you to pause and evaluate how you see something. I want to know what you learned about yourself. Or comment if you can relate to my struggles with my girls(even if you have boys or if your kids are all grown up). Its so nice to know someone reads what you took the time to write. I feel the need to write even if no one ever reads it but it is nice. 🙂 Blessings and Happy Reading!!

Invest to bring growth

Growth, change, transition, pain, flying, falling, failing, soaring, confusion, despair, hope, life. It feels a little bi-polar to say this but all these have been felt by me in the last 3 weeks. It is Feb 2018 and I have known for some time that this year, 2018 would be a year full of change and transition. In 2017 I saw major growth internally, and in my husband. I don’t know if its our age but maturity and understand has kicked in. We got Life insurance, got Gym membership, started a marriage bible study just to name a few things. I knew that our living situation and financial situation could not be healthy if it stayed the same. Change. We have 3 girls and currently 3 cats and we live in a 2 bedroom with no backyard or space. I have been able to organize and create a home with the little I have had. It feels like home. We are safe. We are blessed. But I feel the longing for more. Not to sit in a posh, luxurious house just for the sake of volume. But a larger kitchen so I can make more for my family and the many friends and large community I am fortunate to have. I want a larger living room so I can invite people over. To sit and talk, pray with them, be Jesus to each other. I long for my girls to have more space so they have room to grow and expand, to live in their creative unique identity and not have to fight with each other for their own little sanctuary of peace. I long for a backyard where I can dig into the dirt and grow things. Where we can gather on hot summery nights as a family and play and live and love. I feel it so intensely, this longing and over the years I have wondered when? How long oh Lord?

We are in debt. I hate the stress and embarrassment that comes with that acknowledgement. But there it is. It has to change and I am ready to do what it takes to bring about this change.. I have held long to the belief that God wants us to be free from all debt and while it feels crushing at times I am grateful its not worse. We don’t have a mortgage and we don’t have credit card debt. I know that this year will be year of hard and a year of sacrifice. I am ok with that. I have survived a lot worse. And I am not in it alone. I am in it with my husband. Together, when we are in it together, we can overcome so much.

Our church. I love my church so much. What do I love? So much. It has saved me. My church has been a hospital, a sanctuary, a retreat, a party, a feast. Because I deeply love my church so much it has been sad to see it dying. People have been leaving for years and what was once an exciting place to spend a Sunday, it had become just part of the routine. In my prayer time I have often asked God for revival, direction and insight. See my husband and I serve in different roles and the things we are about as a church have felt good and true. But I could sense change was coming. Again, it had too. It could not survive another year being the way it has been. Another year and we would have had to close the doors possibly. If that happened God would not have been able to fulfill the visions, words, and dreams spoken and unspoken by the faithful. So when the year started I knew that change was on the horizon. Also being a member for a long time I knew that the changes would be more and look differently than I expected. So I tried not to have expectations. I felt sadness that my much loved Senior Pastor was stepping down and resigning. He has been instrumental in my faith and his example has been a guidepost on how to walk through the dark nights of the soul. I am so thankful for him and his Wife. When I heard the 3 possible names of the people who were being interviewed to be his successor, I was intrigued. One person I already knew would be considered, who to many, would seem the obvious choice. The second option I felt was the wrong choice but also a real possibility. The third was out of left field. An unknown. And my heart leapt, it beat widly. I began to look into him and his wife and was delighted by what they stood for. God is clearly alive to them, and in them, and it seemed to me that they called everyone around them to experience the same thing. If you have never heard the voice of God, or had an encounter with someone who does, you have no idea what you are missing. NO. IDEA. As a little girls I heard God speak. I prophesied over people, I prayed and God healed them. I did things and spoke things that were not from within side of me. I was a little girl who loved her church, and loved the Jesus I saw moving every single week. He healed, he set people free from addictions, he brought families back together, he set the prisoner free. The Jesus I grew up knowing thanks to my parents and my church was God who was alive and well and cared for his people. That’s someone/something I can worship. As I grew older I saw these miraculous things less and less. But I never forgot. And once in a while the burning desire inside would cry out for the power and glory of Jesus again. I think we lost our way as a church. And I think that’s what made many leave. But here I am, here we are in Feb 2018. We have a new senior pastor, actually 2. And the church I have called home up until 3 weeks ago is gone. Yes the building is still there. Yes my friends are still there. But it is not the same. The Spirit is there. It has been set free under the new leadership. And it has brought a army of dry, brittle bones out from their hiding. Our seats are being filled, our coffee is being drunk at a much faster rate(I help serve the coffee) and their is a palpable energy in the building. Why did it have to happen this way? How do we reconcile, those who have faithfully served, with this sudden turn around?… Their is no easy answer and I am not sure I’m really qualified to answer it. I just know that its a change. And while its so fast many of us find our heads spinning, it is welcome and I embrace it. I say yes to all the changes if it brings the Spirit back. Their is nothing like being able to worship the LIVING GOD and SEE HIM DO HIS THING. I have no certainty that this year will be easy, in fact I know I am walking into many scary things. But I feel alive. I am no longer walking aimlessly. I do not feel lost. Because I know Jesus has me. He is using my tears, my furrowed brow. He sees me in the midst of all this funk and he loves me. He is bringing change because he desires I grow into ALL that he has for me. As a woman. As a leader. As a lover of him. Every tear, every prayer has been an investment.

A Series of Unfortunate events

About a month ago I saw a whitehead on my cheek, under my eye and next to my nose. It hadn’t come to a head so I couldn’t pop it which drives me crazy. A friend of mine gave me a piece of a charcoal bar to which I immediately used on said whitehead. Sure enough it drew the trapped bacteria to the surface. So I popped it(yes eww but we all do it so just bear with me). The skin surrounding it turned bright red and stayed in- flammed for days!!!! So yay gone zit, but booh for the crater on my face now. Then I got a pore reducing toner and started to apply directly to the area. It dried up. But the rest of my skin was really oily so then I went on Pinterest and looked for DIY zit – removal scrubs. I found one that looked “fun” and made it: Activated Charcoal, brown sugar and olive oil. I put it on my face and scrubbed away. My skin looked great!! It being Christmas time and all I thought I would make some scrub up to give out to my friends and family. Well today when I got in the shower I thought, “I’ll use up all the rest of scrub and my skin will be all smooth. So I started laying it on; my arms, my face, my chest, my butt, my feet. The Olive oil felt really oily on my skin but I kept slathering it on like an idiot. We needed to walk out the door and get to church so my husband could rehearse for our Christmas eve service. I started to wash it off and it wasn’t coming off. I rubbed a little harder and the charcoal wasn’t going anywhere. Oh yeah and Leonard(my cat) decided he wanted to take a shower with me so he was on the ledge in between the shower curtains, swatting at me every time I bent over.  I peeked out and to my horror my face was streaky gray. I called for help, no answer. I banged on the wall, no answer. I start to panic; now its past time we were supposed to leave. I shout, “Babe!!”, no answer. I bang even louder and finally my toddler comes in and is like, “Mama what are you DOING?”  So I semi-crazily(its almost a word!) say, “sweetie will you please go tell Daddy its an emergency and to come save Mommy?” Off she goes another panic-filled moment and he finally comes in and I say, “BABE! Run and get me a washcloth! Don’t look at me, just run run!!!!” He was like, “ok….” Brings me back a washcloth, and I start scrubbing. First my face, then down my arms, etc.. It took a lot of soap and hot hot water but It eventually all came off. Ugh!!!! The real “rub” of it all is my husband and I were joking about some hanky panky in the shower since he needed one too. So as I was applying I was thinking, “ooh I’m so sexy and primal, if he comes in and sees me all grey and oily and wet, its on!” Yeah I did think that. I’m a dork. I don’t know why that would be sexy but that was my thought process and the reason WHY I put all over my body…

So listen up ladies! When it comes to DIY and things going on or in your body(I make my own toothpaste) test out in small amounts first and when you have plenty of time to deal with it if it goes horribly wrong. I say this from experience. I wish I could say this was the stupedest thing I have ever done. Not. Even. Close.. 😉